Picked up a book my flatmate left lying aorund the other day entitled "No More Christian Nice Guy"... it calls itself a manifesto against the masculine identity criss that plagues our world (and also Christians). I'm only half way thru it but already it's accuracy is resonating with my experience so much I can't put it down. So instead of blogging about work I'm gonna post up some of my fav quotes from the book so far for your blog readers to comment on.
I'm interested in what both the guys and the girls think... cos this book seems to make sense of a lot of crap that is just beginning to click in my head.
A woman likes her Christian boyfriend, but can’t deny the lack of some necessary spark. She feels horrible, perhaps even ashamed that it’s not there; wonders if there’s something wrong with her, not him. She practices in her mind those dreadful words to say and hear: “Can’t we just be friends?” or “You have a great personality, but…” the CNG thinks to himself, Dogs have personalities too. He secretly loathes that this always happens to him, and he blames God (though he tries to be nice about it) How come Nice Guys don’t get the girl? he asks himself in smoldering resentment (while still forcing his painted-on smile). (Page 25)
Abandonment deals a young boy’s heart one of the deepest wounds imaginable; he will most likely come to believe he is unworthy to receive love and affection. As a result, an adult Nice Guy spends much of his life salving this wound, often through the consumption of women, both emotionally and sexually. However, since Nice Guys don’t possess what women really want and need, such as masculine support, strong protection, and emotional passion, they are destined to lose at love. (page 77)
Because Christian men are encouraged to be compliant, malleable, and without relational requirements, they often lack the ethos and charisma that attract a woman’s heart. Pete, a CNG from California, is coming to terms with how this message short-circuits his desire for intimacy: “I wanted a woman’s approval so much that I would do anything for them. Women just don’t respect this quality in a man.” (page 99)
Not requiring respect from others and having no true opinion is not the way to love. Christian Nice Guy: Stop trying to be a woman’s best friend. Stop stripping yourself of the masculinity that draws her toward you. Most of the men who posses this energy aren’t jerks; you possess the same power they have, but you wrongly think it’s off-limits to you. Don’t settle for being envious; find that energy, that power, that passion, then embrace it and apply it. (page 102)
What do you think?
1 comment:
I really don't know if I would fully agree with that article.
I think you shouldn't change yourself to be someone you're not if it isn't necessarily a fundamental Christian issue. How in the world will you be able to live that way in a marriage context whereby you are constantly 'pretending' to be someone whom you are NOT?
I think it isn't about 'getting the girl'. Sure it is nice to have the girl etc... but if she cannot like you as a Christian man that you are, but desires all these other extras which aren't necessarily you nor fundamentally Christian... well... that is something for the girl to work out herself.
It is true that there is a dimension to relationships which should have the chemistry and spark, but it isn't necessary and it isn't what will get you through married life.
And if you have to 'pretend' to be someone you are not, it will certainly NOT get you through married life.
That is just one angle I would like to add to the discussion, but not necessarily the ONLY angle.
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